Sometimes there are stories that must be shared for no other reason than, who would believe it otherwise.

Let me paint a picture: We were sitting around at the pub, like flamingos at a watering hole, and surprise, surprise, the conversation turned to junk in trunks.

Sorry to disappoint, but we weren’t talking about bulging Speedos. We’re talking instead, about the place in your car that gathers life’s detritus, the boot, or trunk as it is known in the Americas.

By now, a group had gathered at our table, with the drag queen serving at the bar putting in her two cents’ worth. She said the only thing in her boot was her Minge Masher. Fearing that was some kind of industrial strength dildo, she whipped it out from under the bar. It turned out to be a little hand held to relax her overworked feet.

You have to keep in mind the open nature of Australian conversation, and the honesty and gusto with which points are made.

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ABOVE: Minge Masher, Junk in Trunks

A drunken, and rather hot, 18yo asked what we were talking about. We said junk in trunks. He replied by whipping down his board shorts saying, “I’m packing this.” He has a lot to boast about. Every head in the room spun like a guided missile on crack. He must be very popular at White parties.

Many of us were still reeling from the beefy twink, when the drag queen on stage noticed the fracas. Drag queens are never backward about coming forward, and she asked, “what’s going on up the back. Can you queens keep it down, I’m trying to get free drinks up in here.”

She spied the lowered boardies. “He’s got his cock out. Come on darling, if you’re so keen on upstaging me, get the fuck up here and give everyone a look.” So, he did. I’m not one for a live show, but watching the crowd pivot was hysterical. Sydney crowds are a touchy-feely mob, particularly when a handful of twink is on offer, and as he pushed through the crowd, he was mand-handled in a way that can’t be restated in polite company.

Once on stage, the 18yo, now known as Alex, left his boardies around his ankles while a call went out for punters to better him. “I bet you don’t get many of those to the pound,” she said, while gently holding his foreskin skyward.

One punter making a special guest appearance was a well-known American porn star now living in Sydney, but he could get nowhere near young Alex. In moments, 10 sozzled queens paraded their penises for all to see. In any other bar, the police would be called. In this bar, only clapping and more drink orders

The impromptu show ended with the host declaring Alex a clear winner by presenting him with a ticket for a freebie at the bar, as if he needed it.

The conversation never did get back to jacks, tyres, and repair kits.

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