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Why Charlie thinks Toyota GR Yaris Rallye is Complete Babe

gaycarboys - Alan Zurvas

Toyota GR Yaris.

We aren’t the only ones to think GR Yaris Rallye is a ripe little peach. A quick look on the local 2nd hand car selling sites sees 2021 GR Yaris Rallye models going for the current 2023 selling price, and in many case, over $10,000 more. That’s just plain bonkers.

It means 2 things: The car is rare, and is still much sought after.

For around $5,000 over the base model, a jaunty-capped chav can bag a proper hot hatch, among the last to be created. We are watching the slow death of the internal combustion engine, and GR Yaris Rallye celebrates what it means to means to be a musky petrolhead facing extinction.

At the heart of the diminutive 3-door hatch is a 200kw, 1.6 turbo 3-cylinder engine. There is none of that silly automatic nonsense either, or worse still, an even siller CVT. The regular Yaris has been manacled to one of those god-awful CVT monstrosities which sap the joy from each and every trip. Some say they can’t notice the difference, but they are wrong. Subaru made the same hideous mistake by gluing a CVT into the WRX, thus ruining the idea of a go-quick self-shifter. Instead, GR Yaris Rallye has a glorious 6 speed manual, and the silkiest of silky clutches.

Only the head and tail lights are shared with the 5-door entry level shopping trolly. Not only is the GR Yaris a 3 door, but the doors, hatch, and bonnet are fashioned from Aluminium. The Roof is carbon fibre, a fitting tribute to 1280kgs worth of sexy hot hatch.

download GR Yaris Brochuse and Specifications HERE: GR Yaris_Spec Sheet

Video Review: 2023 Toyota GR Yaris Rallye FULL REVIEW + Australian GR Yaris local launch footge – GayCarBoys review – Alan Zurvas 

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ABOVE: Toyota GR Yaris Range

There are differences between the regular GR Yaris and the Rallye, such as the Torson LSD front and back, red brake callipers, and high-performance suspension.

Although the is an HUD, there is no digital dashboard. This travesty is compounded by the absence of wireless CarPlay and Qi charger. Just as I was about to chuck my toys out of the sandpit, I started the GR Yaris Rallye and glazed over in a petrol-fumed trace. This was tempered but the fact that you can’t start a GR Yaris then rev the crap out of it. There is an ever-so-polite message that warns you not to accelerate hard until she has had a chance for a morning coffee and a ciggie.

I shoehorned the 6’5” Charlie into the shotgun seat, and headed for the hills. Charlie is buff, and fit, and always dressed to kill, but today the becapped surfer sported a leather jacket, jeans and white Tee. Channelling James Dean seems somewhat redundant when you actually look like James Dean, albeit a blonde one.

Normally seen in a stately 1973 Citroën DS Pallas, Charlie filled the interior of the GR Yaris Rallye with a machismo befitting the owner of a full set of ABBA tapes. Once in the bends where Sydney meets the bush, Charlie slipped into the pilot’s seat and popped on his big-boy pants.

At highway speed there was quite a hullaballoo from the tyres, and going over the ridged lines at the road’s edge sounded like there was a tradie with a chainsaw  in the back seat.

The 200kw/370Nm 3-pot began to sing as we reached deep inside to touch its G-spot. The Yaris writhed gently in spasms of frantic pleasure as it moved through space as if the road didn’t exist. It changed direction, like a feather on the breeze, to the tunes of raspy chords of joy emanating from deep within the its inner sanctum. Despite being asked to perform feats of magic that defied the laws of physics, GR Yaris Rallye did so without so much as a hint of impending misdemenour.

5.2 seconds to the hundy seemed modest, and despite Charlie’s butchest attempts to coax the very last bit of testosterone out of it, we could manage no more. He winced slightly as the rev-protection kicked him in the cobblers, but the next gear brought with it, a reinvigoration of porn-like shrieks. Hot hatches turn even the butchest brick layer into a giggling schoolgirl.

Charlie was still giggling like a demented puppeteer when we stopped to take stock of the interior.

The Cabin:

Performance aside, sports seats look fab, with support in all the right places. While Charlie has not an ounce of spare flesh, my love handles were moulded into the shape of an F1 driver’s bumcheek, and for that alone, GR Yaris Rallye was worth the money.

Sadly, the entry-level DNA brings more than a fair share of scratchy plastic to the console, doors and dash.  To cover the egg-box door cards, Toyota glued on a bit of micro suede. That would normally send me into a Victorian-esque attack of the vapours, but it actually works. If you don’t touch anything, the cabin looks rather classy.

It is there that you have a decision to make: do you want to pay more for a posh Euro? It might have the go and the show, but I’ll bet my left nut the Eurosnob will break down at the first sign of an Australian summer, and you’ll need big hugs after every service.

Back seats are for kids, or very drunk adults. With seats stowed, the boot will swallow a large capacity clothes dryer as deftly as Captain Sandy docking Mustique. It turns the track-hatch into a mini-GT, and unlike an Aston or McLaren owner, a GR gent can pack whatever he likes for that dirty weekend away.

The only disappointment is a set of analogue dials where a sleek LCD screen should be.

There is plenty of storage including a spot for your phone. There are pockets and cup holders, but above all, a sense of fun and adventure.

Everything is easily findable, and there is a mesmerising graphic that shows AWD action in real time.

Charlie says:

A notchy little hatchback is good on its own. When it is crafted into an object of immeasurable desire, it becomes coveted like a rare jewel. It feels and looks similar to the delectable Abarth, but unlike Abarth, has a sharp set of teeth. Although it never came close, GR Yaris Rallye always felt like it was thinking of ways to kill you.

Every delicious journey is like a mini holiday, and every corner evokes memories of track days past. There is enough space for essentials, you could do a road trip in it, and it makes a fabulous daily driver.

It longs for a track or the open road, but you find yourself driving to the shops just in case there is someone hot who needs to see you in it.

Conclusion:

GR Yaris Rallye has nothing whatever to do with value for money, and the dealers and 2nd hand private sellers know it. There are used GR Yaris Rallye examples going for $71,000, so I’ll those yobs who canned their Rallye orders must now have faces like an arse chewing wasps.

The drive is not perfect by any means. The economy could be better, and considering the weight, the 5.2 second 0-100 could be a smidge faster. GR Yaris Rallye needs a digital dash and wireless CarPlay, and Qi charger.

Does any of that matter? Of course not, at least not for $56, 390. I’d feel right-royally shafted if I’d paid 71k though, but that’s something a buyer must wrestle with if a 2-year wait is distasteful.

We loved it, especially Charlie. We needed to crowbar him from behind the wheel, so it says much about the feeling GR Yaris Rallye gives its occupants.

GR Yaris Rallye is a fitting stable mate for GR Supra, GR86 and GR Corolla.

Toyota GR Yaris Rallye

  • Price: $56, 390
  • Engine: 1.6L 3-cyl turbo petrol
  • Trans: 6-speed manual
  • Econ: 7.6L/100k
  • Emissions: Euro 6, 172g/k
  • Tank: 50L
  • Drive Wheels: AWD (Torson LSD front and back)

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