What surprised me was that such a tiny little thing could bring forth many large smiles and much merry-making, but the 2021 Abarth 595 Competizione did it well bells on.

When Fiat re-birthed their diminutive Bambino, like many, my eyes rolled like a runaway fruit machine. I expected a tasteless pastiche in the style of the awful Chrysler PT Cruiser. Even Volkswagen’s new Beetle fell short of expectation, trying to cash in on the fame and fortune of models past but failing abysmally. The 500 captured the 50’s glamour, and when relaunched, was of its time.

As I said in my recent story on Fiat, as the decades rolled on, Italy’s famed talent for the “gorgeous” completely illuded Fiat and Lancia. Only Alfa Romeo managed to avoid having stale old tarts sent into showrooms masquerading as shiny new things.

As Lancia’s fortunes waned even further, its cars started to resemble disfigured sea creatures that had been left to putrefy on a lonely beach. On the other hand, Fiat had simply ceased to matter, and in many ways that is worse. Ignominy is an inglorious way for the maker of the 130 Sport to go.

The marriage of Fiat Chrysler, and Peugeot Citroen has yet to bear fruit. So far, it there has been little more than the shuffling of deck chairs on a becalmed galleon and most models are borne of old.

Although I had not driven a Fiat in many moons, I had driven Abarths even less. In fact I had only 1 drive since the brand was given a goodly dose of defibrillation. The last experience left a lingering feeling of unambiguous indecision. The semi-automatic was droll, and as it lurched from one wrong gear to the next, it drained any joy from the mini road trip. Adding to the misery was cabin comfort. There was a centre console bin with a sharp lip that bit into my lower leg like a forbidden cilice. It irritated so much that I feared I would not be able to complete the trip. I was forced to improvise a cushion for the offending lip with a bandage from my emergency kit, otherwise I’d have lost the will to live.

This Week: 2021 Abarth 595 COMPETIZIONE Review Fast, and Cute

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ABOVE: 2021 Abarth 595 Competizione , Fiat 130 Sport

This Time was sheer joy

Either the centre console bin was deleted, or I had imagined the nightmare, either way it is no longer there. But, let’s begin the tour by paying homage to the sexy metalwork outside.

The Fiat 500 has a long pedigree and was as important to Italy as the Beetle was to Germany. Abarth gave our test car a coat of matte blue paint, and adorned it with a bespoke body kit. A large sunroof and special wheels made the tiny hatch look and feel even more special. It sat at my feet like an adoring gym twink, and I liked it, a lot.

Few cars manage to look fast while standing still, but the Abarth does. In many ways it looks faster than it actually is.

Inside

A small digital driver’s readout is augmented by a 7” Uconnect infotainment screen. Controls are simple, because the Abarth is simple. The steering wheel has audio and phone controls, but there is no cruise or lane control. In fact, there are no driver assistants save for ESC. That’s offset somewhat by wired CarPlay/Android Auto with a fairly decent sound system.

The Alcantara/leather seating looks great, but has no height adjustment. It was way too high and I never really felt completely comfortable. I felt like I was driving a small 2 story flat from the top floor.

The back seat is for decoration, and the boot is too small for a spare.

The Drive:

There isn’t a whole lot of room inside, so getting comfortable before you set off is vital. Pedals feel oddly placed at first but as in all things, an hour takes care of initial reservations.

The clutch is delightfully light with a perfect play between engagement and rest. The 5-speed gear lever is set high up on the centre console, and like the pedals, feels odd at first. It is missing a cog too, so you have to take care not to try selecting reverse at 110kph.

Adaptive suspension toughens in Sport mode, but is already in a heightened state of arousal, so I’ll wager most won’t pick much of a difference between modes. It goes from butch, to butcher, and on normal roads feels rough. Funnily enough, the bends make it feel considerably softer.

The exhaust snarl changes, and that’s the most notable difference.

The 1.4 turbo has a modest 132kw/200m output and runs on 95ron drink. It is what you’d call frisky rather than snappy. 6.9 seconds to a hundred feels far faster than it sounds, and therein lies the genius of Abarth. It is about perception rather than thuggish brute force. It’s hot-hatch aspirations won’t match the larger Golf or i30. In fact, the i20n is in no danger either, as it is half a second quicker and has all the latest kit.

I know what you’re going to say, “no one is going to notice half a second,” and that’s absolutely right. But, those hell bent on dick-swinging contests will use it to beat you over the head. Although that could have been better expressed, I’m sure you get the idea.

Abarth 595 Competizione gobbles up corners greedily but is not quite as content on the highway. Life without cruise control can be a trifle tedious, and it is surprising how much grunt work cruise control takes out of longer commutes.

Around town, parking is easy, even without a reversing camera. Traffic is stressful at the best of times, but if you enjoy using 3 pedals, you’re all set.

Conclusion:

Abarth 595 Competizione is pretty, zesty, and fun. It has exclusivity on its side too.

Were it to have a DCT or conventional automatic, it would be a great proposition for city-dwelling Gen Z’ers, but as it stands, the awful semi auto option simply doesn’t fly. Our manual was fun, but got old fast when the traffic got a bit eggy.

Driver aids are lacking, and while some say, “so what,” for others, that is a deal breaker. Mod cons like cruise control, auto braking and blind spot monitor make life easier and safer. These are so commonplace now and we sometimes forget that we once had to think for ourselves. Safety features are there for a reason, and in my opinion are absolutely essential. Remember, you’re going to own your car for many years. Think a few years ahead and you’ll get what I mean.

As fabulous as Abarth 595 Competizione is, it is a little behind the times.

Price: $32,950

Engine: 1.4 turbo Petrol

Power 132kw/200Nm

Econ: 6.0L/100k (achieved 8.6L/100k)

Fuel: 95ron

Emission: Euro 6d

Trans: 5 speed manual (5 speed semi auto avail)

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