BMW made a name from sporty, premium, handlers, that gave drivers a not-so-cheap thrill, even when doing the shopping.

M440i Gran (no “D” here, thanks very much) Coupé is the queen of the 3-series-sized car. BMW nomenclatures are all a bit confusing, but Gran Coupé is the name given to their 4-door sports sedans while Coupé is reserved for the usual 2 door setup. So, the 4 series is the 2 door version of the 3 series, except for 4 series that also has 4 doors. Just, Why?

The gaping grille has just got to go, and that’s my final word on the matter.

The Looks

The Gran Coupés are odd-bods, no matter the brand. As if passenger cars weren’t already on a slippery slope, the Coupé market has very few takers, and the 4 door Coupé buyer is even thinner on the ground. We could pontificate for ages about the wisdom of 4 smaller doors over 2 larger ones, but the resulting swoop-roofed lines are gracious and elegant.

BMW now eschews the rampant Bangle-ism that has marred the brand for decades, with a beautifully smooth skin that stretches over the low-slung body like the wing of a plane. It looks all slippery and slinky.

I’d be lying if I said the M badges weren’t the initial eye-catcher, but this isn’t to be confused with the pure-bred thug carrying the full-on M pedigree. Think of the M440i and a thug in a dinner suit. There are other models in the range, but the M440i brings the fire a GT car deserves.

There is a cute little opera window behind the rear doors, and the doors themselves have the frameless allure of a GT car of old.

In fact, as modern as the m440i Gran Coupé is, there is the faintest hint vintage glamor that I can’t quite put my finger on. Whether it is the deeply dished 19” wheels, or the tail lights with a display worthy of a Vegas show, who can say.

Around the front, the Laser Lights do the job of your common or garden variety Matrix LEDs, but these babies look 650m down the road. They’re shapely with blue highlights, as if to wink cheekily at passers-by.

The door handles sit flush with the bodywork to cut the drag even further. However, with an old-school hinge at the top, and have a nasty habit of allowing your fingers to slip out during a quick getaway. It has to be the worst design ever, and would take an age to get used to. GET.IN.THE.BIN.

There are a few foibles, but it makes the good all the better. There is a gentle masculinity that makes the m440i Gran Coupé feel like a pearl among the swine of SUV blandness blighting our roads up and down the country.

This Week: 2022 BMW M440i Gran Coupé REVIEW

This Week: Watch this 2022 BMW M440i Park Itself Unaided

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ABOVE: 2022 BMW M440i Gran Coupé, M430i Gran Coupé

The Cabin

The cabin is typical of all new BMWs.

There is an unmistakable Teutonic precision about the design, and some say it can feel slightly cold. M440i Gran Coupé is of the new breed that is treated gently, as the posh interior is crafted into complex surfacing that that is not outshone by the slightly intimidating technology.

It may seem overwhelming at first sight, but sitting in the main pew for a mere moment, gives even the meanest intelligence plenty of time to sort through that whizz-bangery. You can’t break anything, and menu exploring is almost a for of sport.

The console holds the i-Drive 7 command centre, and an array of buttons for drive modes, cameras, and automated parking. There are USBs, a Qi charger, and cup holders concealed under the sliding cover.

Above that are the main controls clearly laid out in 3 zones: audio, climate, and infotainment. The infotainment system displays on the 12.3” touch screen, to augment some of the data from the 10’25” driver screen. Finally, an HUD puts essential data on the windscreen at eye level, including directions, speed and more.

There is wireless carplay/android auto, inbuilt navigation, and radio including the DAB people now demand. You can choose to stream via your phone of course, but either way, the sound coming from the system makes good use of the premium branded speakers.

Comfort can be deal-breaking of things go tits-up after an hour in the saddle. The seats may be firm, but they support even the fullest of figures in a way that ought to be illegal. There is heating, but no cooling, and for almost 120 grand, that is just taking the piss.

You can connect through the My BMW app for car data, but its functionality was too limited and needs a jolly good fiddle-with to make any sense of it. Apps are unfathomable at the best of times, and require a 12 year old interpreter to be on speed dial.

A quick word of warning: the back seats have limited appeal. The door opening is too small, and the legroom too limited to make a long trip possible for a portly passenger.bYou’re better off thinking of the M440i Gran Coupé as a comfy car for 2, with a couple of easy-access spots for the occasional freeloader.

You may or may not like the design, but the quality cannot be understated.

On the Road

Christ on a Cracker, she has some poke.

Steering is a little too heavy for my liking, even in comfort mode. M440i Gran Coupé is otherwise perfect. The mild hybrid drivetrain uses an 8-speed automatic to direct the power to the superb AWD system with the grip of a granny at a bake sale. It is ferociously quick, with a 0-100 of 4.7 seconds. Sure, that’s around Golf R performance (as pointed out by a reader), but the sound of the 285kw/500Nm straight 6 harkens back to a halcyon era that puts a twinkle in my eye. In fact, it reminds me of the gorgeous 3.0L CSL, with a vintage soundtrack worthy of a Bond Film.

Think of the M440i Gran Coupé as an AWD GT able to cross continents in comfort, while being as cool as a Bublé Ballad.

On smoother tarmac, the ride is sublime. With Track mode on, the suspension firms up ready to be chucked into corners with the enthusiasm of Brabham on a bender.

She is tenacious, but easy to drive with it.

The cabin is blissfully quiet thanks to active noise cancelling. Highway travel is a doddle with a semi-autonomous mode that uses, among other things, active cruise, blind spot monitor, and the lane centering function, to take the dreary elbow-work out of road trips.

I’ve done many road trips using the technology, and along with the Laser Lights, even night driving is a pleasure. Having said that, I suspect most M440i Gran Coupé buyers won’t take a trip longer than one to the nearest major airport, and that is such a shame.

M440i Gran Coupé is crammed with the gunnels with active and passive safety, driver aids, and an obscene amount of connectivity.

I could bang on for an eon about the serenity of even the shortest of trips, but I shan’t.

If a Jaguar MKII was the 60’s gangster’s getaway of choice, then surely M440i Gran Coupé offers the 2020’s blackguard a conveyance of swift convenience .

One last word, BMW has more or less done away with run-flats, and although there is no spare, you get a tyre repair kit. Leave it in the boot, and call for a man in a truck. Repair kits are the devil’s work and should be banished from whence they came.

The Automated Parking

But I haven’t mentioned the party trick, which is BMWs automated parking and reversing system. It scans for parking spots as you drive, and sorts out what kind of space it is. Even if you’ve driven slightly past the spot, hitting the parking button brings up the menu and as you creep forward, it bongs. Touching the space indicated, with your foot on the brake, initiates the process. From then on it is the BMW doing the work.

I used it to get into a very tight spot on Oxford St, but I suggest waiting for all the traffic to pass. It has a nasty habit of swinging the front out at a crazy angle. Were there to be someone passing, they may well clip the front even though the BMW is meant to be watching out for on-comers. OK, the system warns you to keep an eye on your surroundings, but fair suck of the sav! It is going way too fast to watch every single angle on a park you’d never try yourself. Moreover, the spot was incredibly tight. Once completed, the car was perfectly parked with scarcely 800mm to spare.

Brochure HERE: 2022 BMW M440i Grand Coupe Brochure

Conclusion:

As the embers of the fossil fuel era begin to dim, M440i Gran Coupé is a lovely example of a design from a drawing board made real.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect to like it. I’m a coupé man through and through, but there is something about it that takes 4 doors, and makes it cool.

  • Price: $155,900 (as tested $122,550)
  • Engine: 3.0L straight-six, Twin Power Turbo, mild hybrid
  • Power: 285kw/500Nm
  • Transmission: 8-speed automatic (with paddles)
  • Economy: 8.5L/100k
  • CO2: 198g/km
  • Emissions: Euro6d
  • Fuel: 95ron
  • AWD (xDrive)

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