Alfa Romeo Tonale Hybrid - a GayCarBoys Hit or Miss?

Gayboys love a badge, they do, they just do. The posher or sportier, the better, and Alfa Romeo is one that makes your inner workings quiver. Tonale is the new, petite SUV that picks up where the awful Mito left off. Whereas the entry level Mito felt bereft of any comfort and luxury, Tonale feels solid and cosy.

There are a ton of gay families who want something special and unique. Families come in many, shapes, colours and sizes, and an SUV has come to be what almost all buyers settle on. The term “crossover” has long since ceased to have any real meaning. It used to be the part of the Venn diagram where sedan/station wagon/estate car/4X4 met. It was never a happy association, with compromise after compromise being excused by the fact that it was not a proper off-roader.

Off-roading is no longer a must-have. In fact, most SUVs will never see more than a gravel lane, with many SUVs being front-wheel-drive, such as the Tonale.

Looks:

Alfa Romeo Tonale is achingly beautiful.

Its movie-star face can be pictured high above the Med on one of those bendy roads that cling desperately to the side of a limestone cliff. 50’s music would be hanging in the air, with handsome passengers laughing for no apparent reason. We’ve shoved some appropriate gratuitous footage of just such a road in the video for good measure.

It is a modern interpretation of a 50’s classic.

The tri-light situation at the front is repeated at the back. Headlights are LED Matrix (see demo in video) and like the rest of the Tonale, are as sexy a gym bunny sipping a cocktail.

The SUV style gives owners plenty of scope for carrying “Stuff”. The electric tailgate has a locking function so you don’t have to schlep .

Veloce gets 18” diamond cut clover-leaf alloys, and the body is festooned with classic Italian design. The badges, though changed over the years, still say “Alfa Romeo, from Italy. Mama Mia!” It is practically begging you to down a glass of prosecco while chowing down on little pieces of Sophia Lauren.

Stellantis has many factories strewn across the planet, but the Tonale is an Alfa Romeo, and Alfas are made where the sun shines all year round, and workers down tools at midday for red wine and bruschetta.

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ABOVE: 2023 Alfa Romeo Tonale

Inside:

Unlike the Mito which used nasty, flimsy plastic, Tonale is tasteful. Even the hard plastic doesn’t feel cheap.

Space in the back seat is tight for taller travelers, so load it up with twinks for a trouble-free trip. The is a choice of USB/USB-C, and a vent so there is no excuse for whining.

The driver gets gadgets galore, with a full suite of safety and driver aids (see buyer’s guide for a full list HERE : – tonale-my22-buyers-guide-december-2023 ), but there is no head-up display. The LCD driver’s instruments and be fenagled every which way, and you can have a widescreen navigation up, with essential directions right in front of the person behind the wheel, where it should be.

The centre uConnect screen is a landscape-style affair with permanent software buttons along 2 sides. It allows those in the posh pews to navigate the fairly simple menus, and there is voice control too, if your dare.

Like the gorgeous Giulietta, Tonale has everything in the right place, more or less.

The seats are firm, but this is a car from a company that prides itself on a sporting prowess from a time when annoying the boss got you chucked into an arena with your choice of a peckish lion, or handsome, sweaty bloke with a sword.

The cabin wraps its occupants set for a comfy trop, and you’ll find yourself driving to the shops even if they’re only a block away.

The Drive:

118kw is enough for most needs, but it won’t set any land-speed records at 8.8 seconds 0-100. Alfa mentioned their segment-leading steering, and how Tonale is pin sharp. There is absolutely no doubt that the handling, on Full Independent McPherson with Unique Sway Bars Back and front, is first class. Cornering is a delight, and there are drive modes on the DNA dial to make things a little more urgent, but the steering is extremely light. In all modes it takes an ostrich-feather’s worth of push to get around a bend. Tonale goes exactly where you point it, but you can’t feel it through the steering wheel.

We set up to Pie in the Sky for a tasty light lunch. Casper and Max are the shortest, so were confined to the rear. Max is happiest confined to the rear, but I digress.

Charlie and I took the front seats, which meant we also had dibs on the wireless CarPlay. Max’s country music tastes drive us all to distraction and he is banned from playlist selection anyway.

What the boys thought:

Casper:

I love Alfas, but there is an old saying that they will always break your heart. I loved the look of the Tonale but thought the ride was little too firm. Handling was sensational, but a smooth city experience meant leaving both the Stop/Start and Auto Brake Hold turned off.

Loved the wireless carplay, but the Tonale kept complaining that the AEB system was inactive because the sensor was dirty. The car had been detailed, so not dirty.

Max:

I don’t love the hybrid drivetrain but could live with it. FWD SUVs are intended for cities and highways, so no good for the farm. The AWD PHEV is incredibly expensive, but might be worth a look if a slippery surface is a regular thing.

Over all, I like Tonale, but, is it really an Alfa Romeo.

Charlie:

I loved Tonale. I loved the looks and the quiet cabin. It is easy to park in town, and a joy on the open road. Sport mode is best, and unlike the others, I thought the power was plenty for most driving.

I’d probably prefer a Stelvio for its slightly roomier cabin and beefier drivetrain, but when I’ve been in Europe, petrol is stupidly expensive, so Tonale would make a more sensible choice. On a side note: The PHEV is only of any use to someone who can plug in at home. Public charging is too slow, so this mild hybrid then makes sense.

Alan:

I adore the looks and handling. Tonale is comfortable and cosy, and reasonably frugal, but we never got near the claimed figure of 5.6L/100k. If the buyers want something that sips the juice, then a hybrid makes sense. Most mild hybrids cost almost as much as a full hybrid, and Toyota seems to have that market fully covered. At least this mild hybrid will run briefly in EV-only mode.

I’d need more time behind the wheel to be sure, but as it stands, Tonale is a decent city car. We all agreed that the auto brake hold and stop/start made city driving far too jerky where there is a proper pause between putting the foot down, the engine starting, and the brake letting go. When it did so, there was a jerk forward, and even though we all expected it, it continued to be uncomfortable.

Over all, I like Tonale, but would I consider a 2^nd hand Stelvio instead?

Conclusion:

Fuel consumption was a little higher than claimed, and the drivetrain didn’t feel as powerful as the 118kw figure suggested. None the less, Tonale is gorgeous, has loads of gear, and has an Alfa badge. Montreal Green is one of the most beautiful colours ever created, so what’s not to like?

Price: $65,400