The Imperious LEXUS LS500 is a Palace on Wheels REVIEW

The LEXUS LS500 is vastly superior to most other bourgeois barges in all the ways that count.

As the passenger car segment continues to sink Titanically, there are the remnants of country-pile-owning punters who still want a limo instead of an SUV that belches out bucketloads ego bullshit. To be fair, they probably have a multi-car facility with several SUVs and a convertible, but at least there is a vague semblance of good taste that transcends the need for overt dick swinging.

Instead of a vast office block on wheels, the LS500 is sharp yet discrete. It comes in 2 trim levels, the F Sport, and Sport Luxury. Frankly, the “sport” moniker is a complete nonsense that permeates the entire LEXUS range. I do wish they’d drop that badge completely. How about LS500 Luxury, and LS500 Luxury +?

The current LS500 sits between the old short and long wheelbase models, offering those inside a curated and rarefied club-like atmosphere with the space of a palace. Some say the outside bears an uncanny likeness to a stretched Camry, but I put that down to pure envy. As the LS500 follows you down the highway, its Bladescan LED headlights look like daylight escaping through a crack in time. The glorious effect is somewhat tempered by a grille that looks like it is hoovering up the tarmac.

As you unlock the doors, the body rises gracefully on its multilink air suspension, giving passengers the ability to execute a perfect Dally Watkins embarquement. Even a gay man like to enter elegantly, even a car.

The Rear:

The back is the place to be. There is a ballroom for each traveller, with the lefthand passenger having the added luxury of an ottoman and the ability to slide the front seat out of the way. There is powered adjustment but the ottoman mode on the reclining left seat shouldn’t be used while travelling. We don’t want sir sliding under the seatbelt should the unthinkable take place.

Even if it did, there are 12 airbags on the top model Sport Luxury. The rear TV sceens won’t score a lot of use, but the centre armrest LCD screen controls the climate, seat position and heating, and the deployment of the window shades, all 7 of them. The rear window, door windows and rear pillar Opera Windows, all have perforated sun/privacy blinds that appear from their secreted stowage slots.

When closing the doors, a gentle pull to the first click allows the motorised soft close the complete the procedure in silence.

Since its release early in 2021, the LS500 gained wireless CarPlay. Android users still have to schlep a cable into a USB.

Before moving on, the Mark Levinson 23-speaker sound system is one of the most sublime automotive experiences I’ve had. The beautifully rounded tones flow gently over you just as the artist intended. It is audio-beauteousness.

UPDATE – 2024 REVIEW – 2023 Lexus LS500 Review The Big Bold Barge is the Dog’s Bollocks #gaycarboys

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ABOVE: 2023 LEXUS LS 500 and LS500h

Up Front:

The user interface is a semi-generational leap. Although the new-release LEXUS models have ditched the hideous track pad in favour of a large portrait tablet on the centre stack, the LS500 was a weird in-between mix of a much-maligned track pad, and small slim-line LCD touch screen.

UPDATE: the update for 2024 rids us of the trackpad. The infotainment system is now on par with the brand new Lexus models. Seat and blind controls are there instead, and the multimedia screen is a full touch screen

The driver has a tiny LCD screen with essential data flanked by a couple of old dials from the 20^th century. Just when things look grim, you glance at the windscreen to see 600mmx150mm worth of HUD projected onto the glass in your line of sight. The traditional driver dials have been consigned to a secondary role, and good riddance to them.

LEXUS climate concierge operates the heating and cooling in the climate system, seats, and steering wheel, and has always been one of my most favourite gizmos. There is a massage too, for the longest of trips, but only on the front seats.

The Top Shelf Decoration and Design

For the most part, the cabin is tastefully trimmed and elegantly equipped. Some things though, do not into translate well from Japanese, one of them is the brocade fabric on the doors. Along with the platinum leaf laid onto the hard panels, there is a silver thread fabric meant to evoke memories of moonlit water. At night, the effect is hypnotic, gently lit by an hidden ambient glow. In daylight however, it looks more like a synthetic cushion cover from a 60’s knocking shop. Ah well, you can’t have everything.

Otherwise, the interior looks and feels like the cabin of a super yacht. The surfaces feel soft and luxurious. The leather is butter-soft and carpets are plush, and the rest of the décor leaves an impression of an expensive private club.

The Drive:

A full-size sedan is often the place where a driver is not the owner. A limo service gives a top-drawer rides to airport customers or city executives. That’s a shame because the LS500 is a gorgeous thing to experience, from any seat, but especially the driver’s seat.

We drove the 310kw/600Nm twin turbo 3.5L V6, and it is as light as a feather. Light steering and a responsive engine deliver a surprisingly lively and rewarding drive. 4-wheel steering is subtle, and not something you notice until trying to get 5235mm worth of posh sedan into a spot at Bunnings. Don’t laugh, I did exactly that. Rich people Bunnings-the-feck out of their weekend, just like the rest of us. The LS500 slips into the space as gracefully as Captain Sandy docking the Sirocco in the far-off climes of the Med.

On the highway, you waft in regal splendour. The cabin is almost silent, and the driver is aided by all the modern accoutrements that make up the suite of safety and assisted features now considered essential for 5-star ratings.

The LS500 drinks the expensive stuff, and around town can be a little heavy-handed at the bowser. A mix of town and country is a little more convivial. We scored under 10L/100k which isn’t bad, but 82L of 98ron at around $2.20 a litre could feed a family for a week. Although you can use 95ron, if you can afford a 200 grand car, you don’t skimp on the juice. Besides, it is highly likely someone else will be paying your bill as is the case for most of the sur-rich.

You may be surprised at the 5 second 01-00 sprint, but the hybrid is not far behind, at 5.4 seconds.

The audible warnings are subtle, with no errant bings to disturb a blissful trip. Once one the highway, all the driver as to do is monitor proceedings. Apart from the dreadful trackpad menu selector, there is not a thing wrong with LS500.

Handling:

Big bougie barges are built to barnstorm. They aren’t delicate classics, or drop-top tourers, and although the air suspension makes long stints feel like life at 10,000m, fancy suspension in corners can’t disguise the 2340kg bulk. She is a hefty lass, but she does her best.

Even sport and sport+ modes do little to assuage its urge to wallow, and that is fine. LS500 is not a sports car, and is all the better for it. There is something about the LS500 that lulls you into a zen-like temper that likes taking things easier.

Conclusion:

Our drive was a little shorter than usual, but a mere 300km is more than enough to shake out any design misdemenours. LEXUS sells so few LS500 models, with only 7 sold to the end of April. Mercedes moved 42 S Class, and BMW sold 43 7 Series (and 21 i7’s). Audi is only 1 ahead of LS500, with 8 A8’s finding homes. The upper-posh passenger market paints more of a grim picture than the rest of the passenger landscape.

Most buyers of this class of vehicle have opted for SUVs for whatever reason, but it will never stop me from loving every second behind the wheel of these truly opulent cars.

LEXUS LS500 Sport Luxury