It has been 24 hours since collecting the M440i BMW. BMW promotes itself as dead posh, and the owners play on that, so, does this 118grand car cash the cheques the company is writing?

Here are the first impressions:

The Good-

The 275kw/500Nm twinpower straight 6 is a pearler. It harkens back to the halcyon days of BMW’s pre-Bangle years. Those shrieking banshees could be heard before they were seen, and when seen, it was only for a moment as they passed in a flash of gorgeousness. That 3.0L CSI had a note recalled with the fondness of the drunk uncle at Christmas who told filthy jokes to make the kids blush.

The Laser Matrix LED headlights are brilliant, masking oncoming cars in a pool of limpid glow.

The rear hatch opens wide, and has a kick function for good measure. The whole thing will lock and unlock automatically without having to lift a finger. It takes convenience to a level expected from this pedigreed pony.

The ride in comfort mode is downright fabulous. On a smooth road, there isn’t a vibration to be felt, and the loudest sound is a distant hint of wind as it blasts Arctic streams over the roof.

Handling is pin sharp. It makes even a novice feel like a Hamilton in sheep’s clothing.

At a city canter, the M440i is a filly in her element. She darts in and out with the agility of a frisky foal. Once the track opens up, the purebred lets loose the dogs of doings, leaving the pack in its smug-laden wake. She screams as the cogs drop mercilessly, and the 4.7 second 0-100 sprint feels akin to being shot from a crossbow.

The cockpit is brilliant, with high resolution on the HUD, driver display, and infotainment screen. With a bit of familiarisation, the controls are fairly easy to come to terms with.

In short, the drive experience makes you purr like a kitten being stroked on its tummy. If you don’t like the way it drives, check your pulse, because you might just be dead.

M440i Gran Coupé is a weapon.

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ABOVE: 2022 BMW M440i Xdrive Gran Coupé and M430i Gran Coupé

The bad-

Sometimes, car designers want slapping with a lettuce leaf.

Let’s start with the grille. Christ on a Bendy Bus, what were they thinking? The front end looks like it is trying to eat itself.

The 4-door coupé, as the name suggests, is a coupé that has doors. They are too small, with the rear ones best left for decoration, along with the useless seats therein.

The door handles are possibly the worst ever in the automotive industry. They’re the hinge up type, but swing up so far that your fingers slip off despite the little ridge on the underside.

The seats that are so deliciously supportive in the first few moments, feel like a park bench after an hour or so.

i-Drive is still difficult, the touch interface doesn’t work with all functions, the console-mounted command centre strewn with buttons and the expensive speakers sound thin and reedy. We’ve also got a Volvo S60 with Bowers and Wilkins and the car is 50grand cheaper and the sound is a hundred times better.

Even with the bass turned way up, “Walk With a Bounce” sounded more like “Walking With a Limp.”

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