The Top Ten Motoring Questions Answered Funny or Serious GCB Style


P & M Adelaide

What EV should we replace our ICE Audi Q3 with? We’d like to do an occasional road trip, and we are eco conscious. Budget up to 100k

Dear P&M SA,

Set criteria while looking or you’ll drive yourself potty: range, price, value. Your question is rather general but we are here to help with follow-ups. We love reader contact, despite being related by marriage – wink wink.

Check for nasty ongoing subscriptions. Compare charging speeds and do a bit of reading up on charging both at home and when out. Look at the European brands as this is already a preference. Consider Chinese and Korean brands as well. There is almost zero development on ICE vehicles but battery electric is jumping in leaps and bounds.

2: JP Sydney Kid

Is there any way to avoid subscription services in my BMW.

JP, you don’t mention which BMW you have, but the short answer is no – in this case you don’t get what you pay for, and serves you right. Items like wireless carplay, heated steering wheel, heated seats are a purchase made in the BMW app. Some are one-off fees, others are monthly or yearly.

A Mercedes-benz owner reported his 4-wheel-steering to be a subscription service, and Tesla’s full self drive supervised is costs $149 a month. This “personalisation” is a pet peeve and amounts to little more than extortion. This is all part of Over-the -update are needed for software upgrades once only available through the dealer. It also allows remote kill switches should your ride be stolen. It could also be used to disable transport during an invasion, if you are conspiracy-minded.

The short answer is no.


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3: Jeff Coober Pedy

I need a new truck. Should I get a Hilux, or a BYD shark 6

Jeff baby! Coober Fecken Pedy! You legend.

Hilux is bringing out an electric version and Ranger also comes as a PHEV. BYD Shark is by far my favourite in this lineup. It drives like a posh ute and has VTL for emergency use, but mainly for worksites and camping spots.

You don’t say if you’re carrying weight or towing, but Coober Fecken Pedy! Legend!

4: My Audi R8

I have an R8 that is broken and the shop wants 60k to fix it. Help.

First, what kind of wanker uses “My Audi R8” as a handle? Gangster vibes aside, ya gets what ya pay for. Exotics cost money and the older they get, the more they cost. Some owners have replaced the stupid suspension with fancy coil-overs but almost everything else is an engine-out job. Good luck. Get cheaper taste.

5: Charlemagne

Dear GCB, I have 1 horsepower. Looking for something with more get up and go. Sick of dealing with all the shit and getting bugs in my face. Help!

Dear Smartarse, you conquered an empire. Get your own shit together. If you need my help you have bigger problems than a knackered pony.

6: Arnie S

I’m back. Why are there so many bicycles, and they are going faster than the cars.

Hi Arnie, call me Brad. If you’re talking about e-bikes and scooters they’re both illegal in public spaces if not powered primarily by human effort and over 250w. I was just passed by an uber eats guy doing at least 60kph on an e-bike with wheels not much bigger than a lawn mower. Youtube is awash with idiots going tits-up.

He is just asking to finish up under the bogie of an 18-wheeler. Don’t you go getting all het-up.

7: Snarky Kitten

Are fluffy toys on the dashboard illegal? My boy friend says I have to get take them off.

Hey SK, burn them, and grow up.

8: RV Babe

We’ve come for a real Australian road trip. We’ve rented a Wicked camper -can travel. Need suggestions.

Here’s a suggestion, get a hotel. Oh, I’ve just seen your Insta! Christ on a cracker you got the bod to get all the rooms you want for free!

9: 2005R32

I’m thinking of getting a new car. What’s going to be the recommendation that beats my R32.

A 21yo VeeDub that is still working? Get yourself on the blower to Guiness because you might be in line for a gong. Just about anything is going to be better than your buggered banger. A base model EV is going to smoke your ratty old Hitler-mobile like stogy in a bonfire.

10: Pink RollsRoyce

Hi gaycarboys, I don’t like the colour of my umbrella. It fits in the door and doesn’t match my car. Please help!

Pinky love, if you can afford to drop a grand or 2 on a new parasol, you can afford 20k to have it made in flamingo coloured unicorn poo. I can think of a few other places where your beleaguered brolly belongs.

EVs, #Motoring, #Audi, #Subscriptions, #Reviews

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Written by Alan Zurvas

Alan Zurvas is the founder and editor of Gay Car Boys, Australia's leading LGBTQI+ automotive publication. Before launching GCB in 2008, Alan's automotive writing was published in SameSame.com.au and the Star Observer. With over 16 years of hands-on car reviewing experience, Alan brings an honest, irreverent voice to every review — championing value and innovation over brand loyalty.


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