2020 Land Rover Defender: Why Am I So Angry?

I’m unusual, I did not like the last defender, not one jot. There, I’ve said it. Is the New Defender a new favourite Gay Car?

Like the much-hyped Mercedes G Wagon, the old Defender was old fashioned and out of date, the result of years of chronically lazy development. The new car is magnificent by any measure, but why am I so angry? Well, you will just have to read on, or watch the video all the way through.

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Above: This Week’s VIDEO Car Review -2020 Land Rover Defender 110

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ABOVE: All New Land Rover Defender

ABOVE: Previous Land Rover Defender and Jaguar E-Type

Is the Outside modern marvel, or a classic cockup?

Defender is a scrumptious synthesis of tradition and technology. There is not a single slip-up anywhere in the daring design.

The squared-off bum has been brought, as has the frisky frontend. Defender is tall, but slim and svelt, unlike her busty Range Rover sister. The big Tonka-toy box has been rounded off, and lavished with the latest 5 star luxury and safety. Clever bejewelled LED lighting looks like a show you’d pay to see, especially around the back.

There are nifty nods to history, without being that twee pastiche-horror show that some brands have foisted on us. Little squares of bright light outline each of the individual rear elements. Brake lights, indicators, and reversing lights fill in the negative space with a panache most designers could only dream of. It is beautiful.

The cheery face has huge circular lights that could spot a Spitfire at 100km, DTRLs to confirm the 21st century design. Chequer-plate trim on the bonnet and mirrors is the icing on the cake. The C Pillar has a massive body-coloured panel on which accessories like ladders can rest.  Why a ladder do I hear you cry? Because old Defenders had ladders up to the roof rack.

The 110 has 4 big doors to give access to a generous interior, each with a smart entry button. The 90 has 2 sexy doors, and I think looks just a little lustier.

Our mid-range car has optional 20” wheels, and tyres with big rock-friendly sidewalls. The awful scratches were engraved by a previous partiipant (see video as proof).

See the full specifications HERE: PAT 20MY DEFENDER 110 P400 SE NCB87J SALEA7AU5L2001014 – Fuji White_Oct 20

Is The cabin cosy despite the rubber trim?

The interior design is perfection.

The dash has elements of the outgoing, with none of the hideous discomfort. The gear lever is up on the console rather than on the floor, just like her grand-daddy. The rest is pure luxury. So where is all this rubber? On the floor of course.

Deep rubber mats keep the schmaltz off the floor. Anyone who has been anywhere remotely dirty knows how badly tits-up things go after even the lightest of showers.

Jesus grips are built into the dash. You’ll still get tossed around crossing a rocky riverbed, but when the driver yells, “brace, brace, brace,” you won’t have to grab the hunk behind the wheel, unless you want to grab the hunk behind the wheel. I won’t mind, I promise.

The driver is spoilt rotten.

The seating is heated, covered in leather that feels softer than a ripe peach, and can be powered to just the right place of pleasure. But I digress….

The dash is digital, with another LCD screen floating above the centre stack. Whereas some cars are in danger of bombarding all and sundry with a useless deluge of gratuitous data, Land Rover curated information carefully.

A couple of dials do double duty as temperature settings for climate control, seat heating and cooling, and fan speed. Another array of buttons command ride height change, and access to low ratio gears. Progress can be carefully monitored on one or both of the LCD screens.

Sound is a classy Meridian set-up, with DAB, Apple CarPlay, and Android Auto. Speakers are strewn about the cabin, 3D style.

Is the Engine Up to the Job?

Clever old JLR has gone back to straight sixes, like they used to use in the deliciously slinky E-Type. This time, the 3.0L 6 pot comes with a fan to blow wafts of air into each cylinder. The result is 6 fan-forced nuclear reactors blasting out 294kw and 550Nm of face-melting fun.

There is a fancy 4-Wheel-Drive system that locks and unlocks the diffs, shuffling power to where it is needed. The 8-speed automatic has low range for tough stuff. Off-road programmes use the ABS system to stop wheel slip, and you feel like you can go anywhere, because, you can.

What is Defender like to drive?

There is a touch of limousine about Defender. It is dead posh and for that price it would want to be.

Off-road tyres are notoriously noisy, but the rhythmic hum is comforting. I’m completely at home on tarmac so I’ll put my hand up now and admit off-roading is not for me. I would not attempt it without our resident expert. He was not to be seen, as he had repaired to his cosy charismatic coastal cottage for Christmas.

David Brown, Driven Media’s persistent postulator, partnered me on a pretty perambulation. We wandered up a colourful country lane. There was a mire-esque atmosphere from a biblical storm the night before. Defender was not bothered.

Gay Campers will pitch more tents than at a  randy scout jamboree. But, as sure-footed as Defender is, most of the time will be spent tootling to Coles and dropping the little vegemites off at the local.

If the knobby tyres get quite the hum at speed, at low speed they’re eerily quiet.

They are also to blame for slightly wayward steering. Road-going rubber makes a huge difference, but things will go horribly wrong if you suddenly feel a fancy to top a tor.

She is a spritely little thing too, nipping to 100 in just 6.1 secs. That is not too shabby for a 2361kg block of flats. Keep in mind, sprinting does dreadful to the wallet. Playfully pushing your pump to the floor sees the fuel figures skyrocket. Not that it matters, we never managed better than 14.5L/100k anyway, nowhere near the claimed 9.9L/100k.

How is the fun factor?

Defender is as sweet as a nut. People jump in front of you to take pics! OK, do NOT do that. It really, REALLY is not a good idea.

A young lady in a car park said, “Ooooo that’s pretty. It’s the new one right?” as she clutched a loaf of bread and bottle of French fizz. Why yes Ma’am it is!

A punter in a genuine antique Landy gave the thumbs up. He was clearly not one of the “anti-changers” who have had permanently nailed gnashers since first laying their mincers on the modern model.

See the full specifications HERE: PAT 20MY DEFENDER 110 P400 SE NCB87J SALEA7AU5L2001014 – Fuji White_Oct 20

Conclusion:

OK, here is why I’m cranky with Jaguar Land Rover, Defender is brilliant and I want one, bigly. Range Rover, move over, you are no longer teacher’s pet.

Defender is stylish, capable, and lusty. It costs many shekels, but quality always does. The features list reads like war and peace, and the cabin wafts you along in regal splendour.

There is nowhere you can’t go, nothing you can’t do, and you don’t give a rat’s arse what people think..

Price: $102,735 (as tested ($114,630)

See the full specifications HERE: PAT 20MY DEFENDER 110 P400 SE NCB87J SALEA7AU5L2001014 – Fuji White_Oct 20

Engine: Straight 6, Turbo Petrol, 3.0L

Power: 394kw/550Nm

Trans: 8-sp Auto

Weight: 2361kg

0-100kph: 6.1 seconds

Econ: 9.9L/100k

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