Genesis G80 Electrified – 4 Pissed Gay Boys’ Weekend Away

Gay boys like glamour, but Genesis surely isn’t glamourous, is it? Think again, it is bling AF.

No one is more critical of crappy plakky bits than a gay man. It often prolongs the tedium of a road trip beyond that which no normal human should be asked to endure. There is none of that in G80, Genesis’s chic range topper, or, is that Genesis’ range topper. Please advise.

It is resplendent in an LED-strewn body worthy of Instagram in a way that big breasted bikini-ists with lips like boat bumpers, aren’t.

It starts at with a grille so big that it looks like it is trying to swallow itself, and ends in a petite bottom that begs to be pinched. Pick me please.

What lays in between is an eco-sensitive cocoon of creamy leatherness that is heated and cooled, and padded to within an inch of its life.

There are a pair of motors powered by whisps of wind, and rays of the very same sun that warmed dinosaurs and nurtured the crops of ancient Egyptians. Yes ladies and germs, the G80 Genesis is electric.

Don’t go giving me all that palaver about lithium, and slaves, and the fact that EVs are charged by coal and gas. You only give a shit about it when it suits you, so STFU.

You can buy your power from wherever you choose, just as you do with dishwashers or bottles of gin. The way it gets to you is irrelevant. You don’t care what kind of truck carries your booty, as long as it is the brand you paid for. The same goes with electricity, you feckless gronk.

Now that we’ve dispensed with the objections voiced at pubs after 15 glasses of landlord’s best, we move on to the weekend: The opinions of 4 boys, whose credentials are surpassed only by their sartorial dress sense, the need for booze, and 1000tc linen.

Video Review: 2023 Genesis G80 Electrified Full Review

Video Review: 2023 Genesis G80 Electrified Mini Review

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ABOVE: 2023 Genesis G80 Electrified 

Casper:

I’m fond of a big one. If it is powered by electrons, so much the better.

We clambered into the Genesis and headed down the big road south. 3 hours later we arrived at a small estate with an ancient cottage, extended over the years to easily accommodate up to 5 egos. That’s just as well, Luke’s take up enough room for 2.

I drove, the twinks watching videos on their rear-seat screens. It was a laugh-riot watching them trying to work tablets that weren’t iPads. In the end they used their phones and AirPods. In fact, are rear seat entertainment systems just a PR sales gimmick? Who actually uses them? I want their names.

They had shedloads of space, and they weren’t afraid to use it.

Incredibly, they still managed to fill the space to overflowing. Our twinks (actually, twunks now) are tall, but it was their accoutrements that took up all the room. The appearance of a doona aroused more than a little suspicion, but more about that later.

But I digress, the car was fabulous.

Luke:

The steering is light and changes with drive modes, so does the get-up-and-go. A 4.9 sec hundy floats my boat. There are no gears to get in the way of fun, and the torque could drive a tank up a cliff.

The comfort is first class. Unless you’re a complete knob, you’re going to come to the same conclusion we did: it runs a dagger through the heart of Germany and its bloated ego.

EV range was pretty good, but those not fortunate to find an ultra-fast charger that actually works (Chargefox, get your fecken act together FFS, your apps sucks donkeyballs), a charge at home takes ages. 530km wasn’t bad for something that weighs about as much as a bus-load of drunken bogans. Not only that, contrary to what the gronks tell you, it costs less than the same distance in a car fuelled by conservative bile.

Petrol and diesel are dead. Get over it.

Their heads will come away when you tell them that EVs are cheaper to run, have fewer cheaper services, and even if filled with coal-fired propaganda, have fewer emissions per kilometre. I love it when they evaporate in a smoking mass of logic, as they finally grasp facts instead of watching Fox.

Raffie:

I’m the only one who didn’t get a steer of the G80, mainly because Alan thinks I have the driving ability of a puddle of vomit. Rude!

Having failed to elicit an affirmation of unrealised ambition, I used my steaming good looks and rock-hard abs to get a few unedited thoughts into the story. It wasn’t hard because we were all pissed by the time it was posted.

I’m the sound guy. If the speakers can’t produce enough waves to cleave my head down the middle, I’m not interested. I’ve only just glued myself back together. G80 was ace. I got my boomy bits, down below, really vibrating with rampant enthusiasm.

Next, I like the air so cold, that even my nipples have nipples.

I had my own zone in the back, and it got me under a doona with Luke. What’s not to like? I’ve been trying to get him under the covers since 2019.

Alan:

Genesis G80 proved to be something we all enjoyed.

There was enough room for us all, and the cottage had been fitted with acres of solar, and a small wind turbine. There was enough power to give our weekend some zing, as well as refreshing our peppy 87.2kwh G80 with as many electrons as required to get us home.

Normally I would moderate both the drinking, and the comments but I’ve discovered the boys are at their most forthcoming after several rounds of midnight tequila slammers.

The boyz loved the bottom up power and rambunctious luxury. Opinions converged on the fact that the rapacious consumption of the Germans was nothing more than PR spin for cars that cost a bunch more, but deliver a bunch less.

$145,000 is many monies in anyone’s language, but the Genesis G80 electrified, is in my ways, unique. It is big, fast, luxurious, has all the safety gear, and above all, can charge at 350kw. Only Hyundai, Kia, Genesis and Porsche can make use of such marvellousness.

The latter is a moot point, because Chargefox is the only bunch of inept numpties with those fast chargers. It is a truly crappy business model, and here’s why: although they’ve raised their prices by 50%, the outlets spend 80% of their time out of action. I wouldn’t want to be the fool who financed that clusterphuck.

Conclusion:

I think we have learned a few valuable lessons here:

First, either do not give boys drinks, or if you do, do not give them tablets to record their musings.

Next, even when full as state school port racks, gay boys like Genesis-es. What is the plural of a Genesis anyway?

Full Review to FOLLOW!

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