Charlie and Nico Drive the 2023 Honda Civic Type R QUICK review

Alan’s full review will come once he has pulled his finger out. Civic Type R it goes head-to-head with Toyota’s beefy GR Corolla, in the automotive equivalent of a dick swinging contest in the gym shower.

Meanwhile, Nico and I took dear old David out to his stone cottage on the banks of the Hawkesbury. An old man and quaint residence is perhaps not what you first think of when you think of hot hatches. You think of corners, and race tracks, and bogans, whose caps are littered knock-off brand insignias sprinkled like demented confetti.

There is this odd view that gay men like booze, frocks, dicks, sparkly things, and some of those things are true. But, loads of gay men just adore fast cars. That’s me in a nutshell, I love cars and Peugeot’s 205GTi was my first love. Sadly, my prized pony was purloined by a bevy of becapped bogans. They were too young to be banged up for a 10-stretch, but it didn’t change the fact that they’d sandwiched my pretty Pug between a pole and brick wall. they walked away with little more than a slap on the wrist, considerably less than the thrashing I’d have given them had I been the man in the silly wig.

Try as I might, I’ve never managed to recapture that boyhood enthusiasm. I’ve owned a VW Golf R and Nissan GTR at various times since, but none made me feel like a cat bathed in cream. They didn’t give me that cheeky smile and wink as I approached, nor did they slap my arse as I walked away Neither was brand new, and rather felt like wearing someone else’s stinky gym shoes: just a little bit wrong.

The Golf eventually destroyed itself, flying apart as Volkswagens often do. Not to be outdone, the GTR was flambéed in a house fire while I was sneaking in a quickie one night stand. Serves me right, so my friends told me. I need new friends.

As I approached the Civic Type R, I felt that feeling deep within my loins, the same one from the days of that little Peugeot. Nico didn’t quite get it, well he wouldn’t, he now drives a soul-sapping EV.

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Charlie and Nico Drive the 2023 Honda Civic Type R QUICK review

Looks:

The new Civic Type R is less of a brassy-haired race-boy than its predecessor. It looks and feels all grown up, with sexy lines that have none of the hideous over-design that plagued the old model. The old generation looked like a plastic caricature tortured by tacky factory bits which has spilled from an over-enthusiastic bucket of stupidity.

I wasn’t a fan.

The 2023 Civic Type R on the other hand, is stripped back, leaving just what is needed. The front is low and fast, the hatched rear end is smooth and sleek, with a spectacular light show forming the tail lights.

There is no point telling you what you can clearly see in photos, so here they are.

The Cabin’s photos do Civic Type R no justice.

Like the exterior, the interior has been stripped of the trashy, game-zone feel. The tacky plakky dash, and nasty over-done ambience, have been replaced by a classy, comfortable, soft, luxurious cabin. Although most of what you’re paying for is under the skin, the seats still fit like a tailored suit. The console has an armrest; there when you want it, but never in the way of a brisk corner.

The feeling is light and spacious.

There is a digital dash but no head-up display, and there are lashings of red Alcantara as far as the eye can see. Honda insists on calling “suede like fabric”, so I guess that means they couldn’t stretch to the real thing. The R-Sport buckets up front have little slots in the leading edge of the seat pad, as if someone is expecting a race harness. Yeah, good luck with that.

David asked Nico to slide his bum forward a touch, as if suggesting the back seat was a little too bijou for an octogenarian with a 6’ hunk up front. I was slightly offended that only one occupant was considered hunky, but David explained that he had to sit behind Nico because Nico was 5” shorter than me. I think it was just because David likes flirting with someone young enough to be his grandson, the filthy old fart.

We did the drive out to Crimson Cottage in comfort mode. David has new teeth, and race mode is not kind on new dental work, and even less forgiving of old bones. Hmm, perhaps I should have shown him the full boomshakala at warp 9.

Once off the highway, the glorious Civic Type R swapped its demure frock for a set of leathers and a helmet. After delivering David to his convict-built digs, when we then set the mode to “Badass,” gluing the foot to the floor.

We opened the howling throttle, and with the +R button pushed, the sublime Honda engineering was shown in her full naked glory. The divine 2.0L has the most beautifully poised clutch between it and the front wheels. A gorgeous 6-speed manual makes quick changes glide into the correct slot as if by mind control. Although the Civic Type R is completely in control, frisky take-offs on damp bitumen makes some poo come.

There is no silly jerking as the gears slip between gates, and the acceleration of 5.4 seconds to 100 feels urgent, but not insane. It has the determination of Hamilton, the enthusiasm of a virgin’s first fondle, the comfort of a lounge, and the engineering of a Swiss watch.

$72,600 (drive-away) is a lot of money, but Civic Type R is a lot of car. Even with the adjustable dampers in the hardest setting, Civic Type R has an expensive feel to the handling and ride. I’ve driven super cars where every metre was sheer misery. The Type R never jostles the passengers unintentionally.

We’ve been told to say no more (but get your brochure HERE: Honda Civic Type R 23YM digital spec sheet )

The full review comes next week

2023 Honda Civic Type R