Picture it: I’m heading down the Princes Highway at 80KPH  in a 2023 Peugeot 308 1.2L hatch (that looks way faster than it is). There is a Highway Patrol 5 Series next to me.

What am I going to do?

I took my life into my own hands doing a review on a double demerits weekend. For those not in New South Wales, whenever there is fun to be had, the government whacks extra demerits on the weekend’s travel. It is meant to improve road safety, as are the cameras and booze buses. The road toll continues to climb, so obviously the government will keep doing the same thing in hopes of a different outcome. I took this chance to get out of town in the 2023 Peugeot 308 Premium Hatch. It was the only way to get the 1.2L 3-cylinder up to full speed, no, only joking.

In what felt like a scarily familiar beginning to a gay porn flick, the lights came on behind me, beckoning a stop at the roadside. In another amusing coincidence, it was just near the Engadin Maccas where notorious Australian Ex-PM, Scott Morrison, was said to have shat his pants.

I complied, of course. I got out of the car, but in a scene from a comedy skit, the young female in the passenger’s seat used her Tannoy to tell me to remain in the car. I wanted to giggle and shit my pants in equal measure. Those things are really loud, especially with the top-c shrill peel of a 20-something WPC at the helm.

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Hunky officer Luke came up to the window. I expected an “ ‘allo, ‘allo,’allo.” Instead, officer Luke said that he liked the car. He then reprimanded me for being in the fast lane for too long. Confused, I said, “but I thought at 90 and over, you have to move across into the slower lane.”

He pointed, quite rightly, at the sign a few hundred metres back saying, “keep left unless overtaking.”

After quite some conversation, we parted, with officer Luke saying, “I’ll give you a caution. If I booked everyone in the fast lane I’d be here all day.”

I’d been so fixated in not making a mistake in front of the highway patrol car, that I made a mistake in front of the highway patrol car. When I got home, I gathered both my thought and a large whisky. Like all legislation, this one is particularly obtuse. It says that one must move from the fast lane if the sign post says so, or the speed is posted above 80kph. I had always thought it was at 90kph and over, and since there are no speed signs in Australia between 80 and 90kph, it is effectively just that.

Was I confused of fixated? You choose.

The moral of the story is, be nice to cops, they’re doing their duty. If they’re kinda hot, be even nicer:) Oh, and brush up on roads rules because they might have changed. Even if you do, you might not understand them!