I bet you thought I was going to tell you all about some fiery wreck that’s become a cinder garden ornament in a wrecker’s yard, but no, this story is about a late-night charge at the local shopping centre.

I speak, of course, about East Village Shopping centre in Zetland, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.

First, let me tell you about this shopping centre. When it was built in a rejuvenated industrial estate, it was part of the Green Square mini town plan swinging into action. Ugly Kellogg’s box apartment blocks as far as the eye can see are punctuated with charming architect designed public amenities, but one of them is not the hideous East Village Shopping centre.

The highlight is Audi’s gajillion dollar state of the art service facility. By contrast, the public EV charging leaves much to be desired. The centre’s original low-power “destination” chargers are free, always work, but are installed on the lowest level of the car park. It’s the automotive equivalent of the naughty step.

I checked the ridiculously inaccurate Chargefox app which said the more recently installed 350kw chargers (60c p/kwh 20% disc for NRMA members) were available and vacant. It also said the 50kw charger (40c p/kwh 20% disc for NRMA members) was broken and set to “charge for free”. “That’s the one for me”, I decided. But no, like most of the Chargefox chargers you ever want to use, it was offline and out of action. I only wanted to top up, so how long could the free 22kw units take? As it turns out, 1.55hours for a miserable 25%. I waited 45 minutes, and that was my lot.

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ABOVE: East Village Shopping Centre, Zetland NSW, Australia

Why was I out late at night? It is the best time to test the headlights in low-traffic situations. Sensible, right? And why not top up while you’re out, right? Apparently not.

Audi’s HQ is right next door, and has a 160kw charger in the side lane. It is a paid one, so el-cheapo here ruled that out as well, something I was later to regret.

I’d finished a 45minute top up to around 85%, wound my way back through the now-silent car park, and through the exit gates. As I rounded the corner and up the ramp, a closed shutter greeted me at street level. It took a moment for my evolving situation to sink in. I was now one of “those” people.

The poorly signed car park has no contact numbers, none. Not for the centre management, nor the security, nor for the people who run the car park. Moreover, no warning the car park is locked and closed after midnight. Signs show shop operating times only.

After several frantic calls to centre contact details listed in Google, I reached the mobile of the night watchman, who informed me that I would not be able to get my car out until morning. I asked if he meant that I was to sleep in my car. The shopping centre is locked, so the only way out is the fire exit, which is remarkably hard to find. Keep that thought in mind when there is an actual fire.

By now, I was more than concerned. The thought of spending the night in the car a few blocks from my comfy bed was not a contemplation I thought would ever cross my mind.

After a few moments of subtle pleading, and not a small amount of desperation, he relented.

When he appeared through the dark, I asked where exactly I might find the operating hours of the car park. As it turns out, it is in the Chargefox app, provided you go into the details tab. Shop hours also in small print on the PEDESTRAIN ENTRANCES. PEDESTRAIN!!!!! What the hell good is that to someone driving in? Nowhere are the car park hours listed, only the rates up to the evening rate which is “out by 12.30”. It does not go on to say the car park is then locked. That fact is listed nowhere, not even their website.

The moral of this story is, be prepared. According to security, all shopping centre carparks close at 12 am (not true) and “everyone knows” you can’t get out of car parks after the closing time (also not true).

This is not the part of the story that really irritated me though, oh no. The irritating part was that upon laying eyes on me, the night patrol guy said, “I’d have come sooner if I had known you were elderly.”

Get that smug expression off your face.

Perhaps people do know their particular local centre carpark locks at 12am, but I didn’t. Don’t assume that daytime conditions mean night charging is possible. Don’t assume you can always charge your car at your usual outlet. Finally, and perhaps more gallingly, EV charging is more like an episode of The Hunger Games with each passing day.

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